Last Wednesday I attended the Football Club’s social. It was called ’10 Minutes before porn’ and I reproduce the instructions verbatim:
‘Dress as something you might see in a porno ex: a fireman,nurse stepdad (if you’re into weird shit) be creative, there will be a prize for the best effort! Be ready and sat down in squirrel with beverages by 8pm. Punishments for late comers and not in fancy dress’
I went as an ageing producer, which, as you can imagine, didn’t require any dressing up!
Socials are the main form of mass entertainment at Uni nowadays. Every club, be they sports, cultural, political, whatever, hold socials. Some hold them rarely. Others, like the football club, hold them weekly. Themes vary widely, so last week the men’s lacrosse club held an Army social, the women’s football club held a Flower Power social and the women’s hockey club held a come-in-hockey-kit social. There were several others, so there was a very wide mix of clothing on display in the Union!
And, as the themes vary by week, so do the costumes. For example, the football club have had ‘Smart Casual’ (top half smart, bottom half (very) casual or vice versa and Full Kit socials over the past few weeks
Sadly the Rugby Club appear not to join in the general fun. They always come dressed in black shirt, black trousers and the Rugby Club tie. They do look very smart though, at least for a couple of hours!
So what happens at a social? I can’t speak for the rest, but for the football club what takes place is uncannily similar to 40 years ago. All participants sit in a big circle and play drinking games, variations on the Fizz Buzz, Names Of, Bunnies, Fuzzy Duck etc of our youth. Transgressors have to drink, naturally, the penalty being set by the social secretary. There are often ‘interesting’ diversions, such as all freshers being ordered to go and seek out an item of clothing (last Wednesday, a bra) from a willing female and return with said item within 5 minutes or down a full pint! There are also universal rules as follows:
• Left handed consumption
• No Mobile Phones
• No pointing
• No swearing
• Beverages must be at least a thumbs length from the edge of the table
• An empty glass cannot be put down, it must be refilled first
• No saying ‘Drink’
• Socials Secs decision is final
Break any of these and you have to drink
One thing that is VERY different is that no singing is allowed by the Fun Police. Yes, there are numerous stewards who clamp down on any attempt to get rugby songs going. So all that’s allowed when a hapless sinner is downing a pint is a chorus of Happy Birthday. Pathetic! God forbid if anyone tried a Zulu Warrior!
And there’s strictly no mixing. Each social keeps to itself. Any attempt by an outsider to ‘break the circle’ is met with a chorus of ‘Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio’, or something considerably stronger! After a couple of hours the socials break up and it’s business as usual for the erst of the night
This week? The football club social is a joint one with the Dance Society. Dancers will be going as footballers and footballers will be going as dancers. Anyone lend me a John Travolta outfit?